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Friday 15 November 2019

Rumination #5 Handle Backlash



We spend every second of our life making choices or living out the consequences of a choice made in the recent or distant past. Choices are made when we decide to turn in late or wake up early, have something from the regular range of meals in the household or try something different for a change, we choose to keep to ourselves on some days and reach out to people on others, we opt to buckle under pressure and graduate in a certain stream or qualify in an area that only our heart, instinct or an impulse guides us toward. We select the sort of partner or career path we do, because of pressure; or, we make a choice without any outside influence. We make a choice even when we are entirely passive.


Every choice we make, even the smallest of ones, has a consequence that we may or may not have bargained for. Being dressed up will most likely get us a lot of attention, that indulgent snack may give us a feeling of discomfort, taking our own sweet time will cause delay and, following online maps blindly will often make us go around in dizzying circles!

Then, there are the ones that bear a long-term impact on our life. That engineering course we went for because of familial pressure or just to please daddy may leave us with a lifetime of feeling that we would have had a better life had we become a journalist, like we really wanted to. The high-profile job we took is demanding and steals all our time and energy, leaving us resentful. That simple and docile partner we chose as a life mate, may arouse a craving for a great deal more. The list goes on.


Every now and then, we choose without really thinking everything through only to find that some of our choices result in an overwhelming backlash. We then spend time feeling sorry for ourselves. As is human nature, we ponder upon this and other miserable aspects of our life and try to figure out why? Inevitably, we find that it’s because of what someone else did or did not do, because God has forsaken us, because we did something terrible in our previous life, because we were born under an unlucky star, or because we neglected to follow a certain ritual that would have definitely pleased God and changed our fortune. We will tell ourselves anything but have the fortitude to take responsibility for the equal and opposite reactions to the choices we make. 


It’s clear that it is ideal to think things through and then think again before making any choices about the important things in life. Perhaps some of us need to create a check list of sorts to help us deliberate, as opposed to over-thinking when faced with choices about important matters. This might even save us from the possibility of growing old and grey by the time we are done with thinking things through. Some of the questions we can have in the checklist could be:

  • ·        Do I really need to do this?
  • ·        Does it really matter?
  • ·        Will it change my life for the better?
  • ·        Is it aligned to my goals?
  • ·        Is there an unmanageable downside?
  • ·        Do I have the time and space to see it through?
  • ·        Will it impact my finances in any way?
  • ·        Will my loved ones be affected by it?
Even though I am writing about this, I know that I will continue to give in to impulses and make bad choices based on haste or lack of sound reason. We have been told since our childhood to look before we leap, yet we go right ahead and ignore this golden rule all too often. The consequential distress, depression or agony plagues us for some period or the rest of our lives.


 Is that how it’s supposed to be? We chose unwisely or without much thought, we made a mistake and so we suffer? Is that a part of life?  I disagree most emphatically!  There is a way to handle this ‘backlash of our bad choices’ thing: we man up and take responsibility for the unforeseen or unimagined outcome of all our choices. If we take responsibility for the effects of our bad choices, our minds and hearts will be lighter. Dealing with it, in a manner of speaking, is choosing happiness, something that’s mentioned in the previous post.

Being responsible for our own actions is perhaps the toughest of all responsibilities. It requires a great deal of strength to admit our own shortcomings, that’s why we try lying to ourselves. We may be the savviest of fibbers and even convince our superficial selves to believe that the fault isn’t ours. Deep down inside, somewhere in the depth of our heart and the back alleys of the mind, we always know the fault is ours. If we face it and deal with it, we will be so much more at peace with ourselves, a soothing stillness will replace the inner turmoil.


I must mention that it is counterproductive to weigh the pros and cons of every single choice we have to make. The thinking deeply through should be exclusively for important things. Also, worth mentioning is the fact that not every unplanned or impulsive action results in a minor or major backlash, a few even give us much reason to rejoice.


2 comments:

  1. Yes really all our choices & the backlash is our own individual blame. It takes a strong individual to MAN up & take responsibility. But mostly at the end I do believe be kind to thyself as life is an individual road so we can stumble so it is a part of our journey. Let's enjoy it & like that little alley one strolls through....life is like that...never knowing what little twist & turn is waiting ahead. Carpe diem

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I respect your point of view.

    ReplyDelete

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