">">

Friday 28 February 2020

Your Confidence, is it Noisy or Still?

Genuine Confidence


We all know that person who speaks frequently about how great she or he is, or at least conveys it loud and clear through anecdotes or social media posts. For a while, some may envy, admire or maybe even idolize such a person and wish they could be as confident. This is exactly what the ‘confident’ person wishes for and believes. Truth is, we make the most noise about those things that we ourselves need to believe but aren’t quite convinced of at some or the other level. It reminds one of male birds preening and displaying their plume to attract attention.

There is a depth and stillness that comes with genuine confidence, the knowledge that we are truly good at something. When a predatory animal sets its eyes on a prey, there comes a point when it feels sure that it will be able to make a killing. At that point, it feels aligned to its target and becomes perfectly still. This, according to me, is the stillness genuine confidence brings with it. Self-confident people don’t need to make any additional moves or noise, they have their eyes on their goal and go about the business of achieving it.

If we are really good at something, the end result speaks for itself and we do not need to brandish that skill or talent. The result of effort made to do the things that we are good at, is so fulfilling and satisfying that it becomes a huge reward in itself and the need for endorsement or appreciation is secondary.

You may have noted that I mention ‘things we are good at’. We need to concentrate on those things that we are good at, be it in a complex specialised area, a seemingly simple thing like flower arrangements or a character trait. The next thing is to accept that while there are some people who are multi-talented it is perfectly okay to be skilled at only one thing; just so long as we pursue it. The results will then be just as I spoke of a little earlier, incredibly satisfying! Needless to add, that’s the basis of self-confidence.

We are each one of us, born with some talent or ability that is exceptional. The crux of the problem lies in not realizing that exceptional quality. Some may be aware of the exceptional quality they have but feel that there are others who are better or that the quality is not significant enough. What I say is: so what if our area of skill or expertise is not unique? If we do our very best, something great will come out of it. Additionally, pouring our heart and soul into something that is innate results in passion and passion is the fuel that fires success. With success comes a depth and gravity that does not need noise or flash.

As for the way to identifying what it is that is our exceptional quality or skill, it is as much a matter of believing oneself as it is in a certain degree of reflection. It helps if parenting and nurturing leads us to know our true worth. However, it is not unusual for people to discover what they are good at much later in life.

In the area where I live, there is this guy who started selling tea from a tiny little shack, a very common small business in India. He is clearly very good at making tea and in a matter of a couple of years, he had branches all over town and now earns a phenomenal amount. He has a simple skill and made something remarkable out of it. I do not doubt that self confidence had a lot to do with his rise from the mundane to the extraordinary.

When we are confident about whatever it is that we are truly good with, we don’t care much about the things we are not so good with. Real confidence brings with it the understanding that we do not need to be perfect – we just need to be sincere and do our best.

Most of us will never be the top-most in whatever we do, just so long as we are doing our best, that is okay. Another thing that genuine confidence brings with it is little if any fear of failure; if things go wrong, we just need to try again. The predatory animal I mentioned earlier, does not always make a killing; that failure never deters it from trying again and succeeding. Besides, there is a lot to be learnt when things go wrong.

If we all remain determined to find, be proud of and make the best of our innate skill, the need to hide, make a show of it or fake it will vanish. Each one of us will be contended and satisfied with who we are. How wonderful it would be to be surrounded by people with genuine self-confidence!

Friday 14 February 2020

From Utter Gloom to Sunshine with Fortitude


Stay on Track to reach the light from utter gloom


About a month ago I had written about how hitting Rock Bottom is an opportunity for a way that we may have otherwise not considered. I truly believe in this, but it involves far more than merely hitting upon an idea to start afresh and then moving ahead. 
When we have experienced hitting the lowest conceivable point, there is this battered feeling from which we never really recover. Even the strongest and most positive people do relive the feeling of utter despair at having lost so much. This feeling or at least the memory of it probably haunts most of us. When we roll up our sleeves and decide to try something entirely new, we need to approach it with burning passion. The battering that I just spoke of, can successfully douse the fire of this passion or bring us to the brink of giving up and sinking right back to the gloomy pit.

How then, do we remain focused and persevere? Speaking from personal experience, the trick is to identify a strong motivation. If, like I had suggested in my post of 17th January about hitting Rock Bottom being an opportunity, we find something that is truly our calling, all we have to do is keep in mind how this new venture excites us. 
If per chance, it is something that interests us or that which we are compelled to do, but not passionate about, it can be a challenge to rise from the ashes of disaster. There is a probability that the conflict between knowing we need to come out of the private hell we are in and not having enough inspiration to do so can weigh us down. The only thing to do then, is to remind ourselves that life at rock bottom is no life at all. Making a change from the lowest of lows can only be a good thing.


It takes a huge amount of perseverance and something that borders on obsession. Even more important is the belief that we are capable and deserve better than whatever misfortune we have recently faced. 


There are several factors that deter us from staying on the path of rising above rock bottom that we have ended up in. I would imagine that one of them is the fear of failure and what it will do to us. To my mind, the solution to this challenge is simple: There is no place lower than rock bottom. It may take a couple of attempts but we have been there and survived it. 


I know for a fact that a large number of people who have faced some sort of disaster start experiencing an almost irrevocable sense of defeat and helplessness. This is one of the biggest deterrents to any sort of advance. The mind set of ‘I can’t’ overshadows everything and is destructive. I would suggest that those who find themselves short on self-confidence seriously consider having a conversation with themselves. One may imagine that I am suggesting that we resort to borderline lunacy, I am not. Standing in front of a mirror and repeating something along the lines of ‘I am better than this’ or ‘I can rise above this’ will actually work. 


I know someone who has survived cancer and one of the procedures he underwent was to be injected with some sort of medicine that contained snake venom. It worked and several decades later, he is still around. That’s what it takes to bounce back, we need to find or create something that is as powerful as the thing that got us down. When I say create, I mean we find a reason and then build on it until it becomes a predominant part of us. 
Another thing to bear in mind is that we need to be selfish. Even if we have scores of people who truly care, no one really does as much as we care for ourselves. In order that we rise and walk into the sunshine once again, it is essential to remember that only we can make the switch that is vital to change for the better. We must do it for ourselves; in any case, when we pull ourselves out of the darkness, those whose lives we touch, will benefit too.


The process of reinventing ourselves from the inside out is a long process that requires a great deal of introspection followed by a greater deal of hard work and a relentless will to succeed. It is highly possible that some of those who are witness to this process may express their reservations or even think we are doing something harebrained. There are a multitude of reasons for it, the two that seem the most common to me are their own fear as well as suppressed envy. Regardless of the reason, we ought not to ever feel discouraged by how others view what we are doing, change is hard for many to accept. In fact, I would go so far as to say, we shouldn’t even care what anybody else thinks. We have a mission and we must see it through.


This post is for all those who struggle to come out of the dark and into the sunlight. You know that you have it in you to make the change – so begin today!











It's Viral! Is it Bona Fide?

Years and years ago, someone dear to me told me about this miraculous thingamajig which would cure a whole range of illnesses. ...