Your Confidence, is it Noisy or Still?

We all know that person who speaks frequently about how great she or he is, or at least conveys it loud and clear through anecdotes or social media posts. For a while, some may envy, admire or maybe even idolize such a person and wish they could be as confident. This is exactly what the ‘confident’ person wishes for and believes. Truth is, we make the most noise about those things that we ourselves need to believe but aren’t quite convinced of at some or the other level. It reminds one of male birds preening and displaying their plume to attract attention.

There is a depth and stillness that comes with genuine confidence, the knowledge that we are truly good at something. When a predatory animal sets its eyes on a prey, there comes a point when it feels sure that it will be able to make a killing. At that point, it feels aligned to its target and becomes perfectly still. This, according to me, is the stillness genuine confidence brings with it. Self-confident people don’t need to make any additional moves or noise, they have their eyes on their goal and go about the business of achieving it.

If we are really good at something, the end result speaks for itself and we do not need to brandish that skill or talent. The result of effort made to do the things that we are good at, is so fulfilling and satisfying that it becomes a huge reward in itself and the need for endorsement or appreciation is secondary.

You may have noted that I mention ‘things we are good at’. We need to concentrate on those things that we are good at, be it in a complex specialised area, a seemingly simple thing like flower arrangements or a character trait. The next thing is to accept that while there are some people who are multi-talented it is perfectly okay to be skilled at only one thing; just so long as we pursue it. The results will then be just as I spoke of a little earlier, incredibly satisfying! Needless to add, that’s the basis of self-confidence.

We are each one of us, born with some talent or ability that is exceptional. The crux of the problem lies in not realizing that exceptional quality. Some may be aware of the exceptional quality they have but feel that there are others who are better or that the quality is not significant enough. What I say is: so what if our area of skill or expertise is not unique? If we do our very best, something great will come out of it. Additionally, pouring our heart and soul into something that is innate results in passion and passion is the fuel that fires success. With success comes a depth and gravity that does not need noise or flash.

As for the way to identifying what it is that is our exceptional quality or skill, it is as much a matter of believing oneself as it is in a certain degree of reflection. It helps if parenting and nurturing leads us to know our true worth. However, it is not unusual for people to discover what they are good at much later in life.

In the area where I live, there is this guy who started selling tea from a tiny little shack, a very common small business in India. He is clearly very good at making tea and in a matter of a couple of years, he had branches all over town and now earns a phenomenal amount. He has a simple skill and made something remarkable out of it. I do not doubt that self confidence had a lot to do with his rise from the mundane to the extraordinary.

When we are confident about whatever it is that we are truly good with, we don’t care much about the things we are not so good with. Real confidence brings with it the understanding that we do not need to be perfect – we just need to be sincere and do our best.

Most of us will never be the top-most in whatever we do, just so long as we are doing our best, that is okay. Another thing that genuine confidence brings with it is little if any fear of failure; if things go wrong, we just need to try again. The predatory animal I mentioned earlier, does not always make a killing; that failure never deters it from trying again and succeeding. Besides, there is a lot to be learnt when things go wrong.

If we all remain determined to find, be proud of and make the best of our innate skill, the need to hide, make a show of it or fake it will vanish. Each one of us will be contended and satisfied with who we are. How wonderful it would be to be surrounded by people with genuine self-confidence!