tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19256241398595605032024-03-13T09:36:00.716+05:30RūminātioWelcome to the world of my ruminations and random opinions on just about anything. If any of my writing happens to strike a chord, please do leave a comment here.
Your point of view or feedback will make my blog all the more exciting for me.
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-14424566321825653082020-03-13T13:36:00.000+05:302020-03-13T13:36:32.594+05:30It's Viral! Is it Bona Fide?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCY7IPgn236jYAgseTm_WQwJ1znBRDFGlamuAqiQ8Zp7jyuNrtVxk8tT0pTvu80HJFpD2HzB6WrNwRAr1-YRv8uL4emX68CptefU1IjQe0n9mM2kilqeQoESpkXe08jhBlviEunT8bNPg/s1600/Viral+through+Social+Media.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img alt="Viral Through Socail Media" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCY7IPgn236jYAgseTm_WQwJ1znBRDFGlamuAqiQ8Zp7jyuNrtVxk8tT0pTvu80HJFpD2HzB6WrNwRAr1-YRv8uL4emX68CptefU1IjQe0n9mM2kilqeQoESpkXe08jhBlviEunT8bNPg/s320/Viral+through+Social+Media.PNG" title="It's Viral! Is it Bona Fide?" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Years and years ago, someone dear to me told me about this miraculous
thingamajig which would cure a whole range of illnesses. She told me that her
mother was using it and feeling so much healthier for it. Soon enough, I took
some of the brown fungus like stuff from her, soaked it in some water overnight
and then drank the disgusting water each morning as if my life depended on
consuming the foul-smelling and tasting stuff. If memory serves me right, I
convinced quite a few people to start having the vile drink too. For a while
there, we all thought we had found the elixir of youth and longevity! As you
can imagine, the enthusiasm died after a while and everyone stopped drinking
the ‘elixir’ and of course, each of us realized it wasn’t everything we thought
it was. I don’t know of too many people who don’t get carried away by something
they read, hear or believe and consequently end up indulging in the absurd or
harmful.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have pondered on this for a while, why do we blindly believe what we
do? It probably has to do with how we feel about the person who is the source
of information, or whenever the message suits our beliefs and agendas or maybe we
end up following the masses. There are those who are masters in taking
advantage of the vulnerability and weak spots of people and manipulate
information to amuse themselves, feel powerful or fool people.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This passing craze for drinking the fungal tea for health and longevity
was in a time before social media helped to spread news and information at the
speed of light. In the present times, there is an abundance of graduates from
what has come to be known by many, as WhatsApp university. If we read it on platforms such as WhatsApp,
Facebook, Twitter – it must be true. Furthermore, if someone we like or respect
has posted it or forwarded it, it has to be gospel truth. If it is a prediction
made by a supposed expert – then those who do not believe it are absolute
fools. Things go viral in the blink of an eye.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no denying that viral news has its benefits, like an unknown
artist getting due recognition because of viral posts. The thing we often forget
is that viral is not bona fide.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometime ago, there was a WhatsApp post of an audio file along with the
picture of the Sun; apparently the sound the Sun made was like the Hindu ‘Om’.
All one had to do was go to the Nasa site and check the sound of Sun to know
that this was a hoax. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is all that is required in these times of a pandemic of mammoth
proportions like COVID 19, it is even more important for us to avoid any sort
of panic or false reassurances and rely on the authorities alone. All
government bodies concerned are working overtime to do whatever they can and
since we don’t know everything there is to know, it’s not just best, it is
important to refrain from opining publicly.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s not to say that we should keep mum about our opinions and thoughts
on what is obviously a grave situation that has brought the world to its knees.
Speaking with those we are close to can and does allay our fears and helps in
sharing legitimate and invaluable information. Airing our half-informed
thoughts and experiences on Social media is another thing and is often damaging.
Then there is mass hysteria, we go with what the crowd is doing, and uncontainable
harm ensues, the Chicken Little Syndrome takes over.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While the main intent of this post of mine is to tell those who will
care to listen not to spread or believe any old message about Corona Virus;
there is much virtue in our validating all information that doesn’t originate
from the authorities concerned. Just yesterday, somewhere in some village in
India, some people buried thousands of live chickens because somebody informed
them of chicken being the source of the ailment. That is the power of
unvalidated information – it causes hysteria and uncontrollable fear. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If each of us stays focused on taking the right care, using reason and following
the recommendations and instructions of the government bodies concerned I am
sure we will be making the right choice. </span></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-57888398796167254182020-02-28T12:04:00.000+05:302020-02-28T12:04:05.534+05:30Your Confidence, is it Noisy or Still?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqZo4GEU33JZOYqiSw8cQw27sxL85tq72yh2V37lJK-f4LPaVztKvln8NCuBR5keo7gEPmpcvZZ4UGEq0d_eME0Ff_VmWompY12UFXnXHI-oMfKL9gVpEVlk157duMj4eYjK0r7rmXVlk/s1600/Genuine+Confidence.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img alt="Genuine Confidence" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqZo4GEU33JZOYqiSw8cQw27sxL85tq72yh2V37lJK-f4LPaVztKvln8NCuBR5keo7gEPmpcvZZ4UGEq0d_eME0Ff_VmWompY12UFXnXHI-oMfKL9gVpEVlk157duMj4eYjK0r7rmXVlk/s320/Genuine+Confidence.PNG" title="Your Confidence, is it Noisy or Still?" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We all know that person who speaks frequently about how great she or he
is, or at least conveys it loud and clear through anecdotes or social media
posts. For a while, some may envy, admire or maybe even idolize such a person
and wish they could be as confident. This is exactly what the ‘confident’
person wishes for and believes. Truth is, we make the most noise about those
things that we ourselves need to believe but aren’t quite convinced of at some
or the other level. It reminds one of male birds preening and displaying their
plume to attract attention.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is a depth and stillness that comes with genuine confidence, the
knowledge that we are truly good at something. When a predatory animal sets its
eyes on a prey, there comes a point when it feels sure that it will be able to
make a killing. At that point, it feels aligned to its target and becomes
perfectly still. This, according to me, is the stillness genuine confidence brings
with it. Self-confident people don’t need to make any additional moves or
noise, they have their eyes on their goal and go about the business of
achieving it.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If we are really good at something, the end result speaks for itself and
we do not need to brandish that skill or talent. The result of effort made to
do the things that we are good at, is so fulfilling and satisfying that it
becomes a huge reward in itself and the need for endorsement or appreciation is
secondary. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You may have noted that I mention ‘things we are good at’. We need to
concentrate on those things that we are good at, be it in a complex specialised
area, a seemingly simple thing like flower arrangements or a character trait.
The next thing is to accept that while there are some people who are
multi-talented it is perfectly okay to be skilled at only one thing; just so
long as we pursue it. The results will then be just as I spoke of a little
earlier, incredibly satisfying! Needless to add, that’s the basis of
self-confidence.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We are each one of us, born with some talent or ability that is
exceptional. The crux of the problem lies in not realizing that exceptional
quality. Some may be aware of the exceptional quality they have but feel that
there are others who are better or that the quality is not significant enough.
What I say is: so what if our area of skill or expertise is not unique? If we
do our very best, something great will come out of it. Additionally, pouring
our heart and soul into something that is innate results in passion and passion
is the fuel that fires success. With success comes a depth and gravity that
does not need noise or flash.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As for the way to identifying what it is that is our exceptional quality
or skill, it is as much a matter of believing oneself as it is in a certain
degree of reflection. It helps if parenting and nurturing leads us to know our
true worth. However, it is not unusual for people to discover what they are
good at much later in life.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In the area where I live, there is this guy who started selling tea from
a tiny little shack, a very common small business in India. He is clearly very
good at making tea and in a matter of a couple of years, he had branches all
over town and now earns a phenomenal amount. He has a simple skill and made
something remarkable out of it. I do not doubt that self confidence had a lot
to do with his rise from the mundane to the extraordinary.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When we are confident about whatever it is that we are truly good with,
we don’t care much about the things we are not so good with. Real confidence
brings with it the understanding that we do not need to be perfect – we just
need to be sincere and do our best. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Most of us will never be the top-most in whatever we do, just so long as
we are doing our best, that is okay. Another thing that genuine confidence
brings with it is little if any fear of failure; if things go wrong, we just
need to try again. The predatory animal I mentioned earlier, does not always
make a killing; that failure never deters it from trying again and succeeding.
Besides, there is a lot to be learnt when things go wrong.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If we all remain determined to find, be proud of and make the best of our
innate skill, the need to hide, make a show of it or fake it will vanish. Each
one of us will be contended and satisfied with who we are. How wonderful it
would be to be surrounded by people with genuine self-confidence!</span></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-28317281918295757412020-02-14T12:41:00.000+05:302020-02-14T12:42:33.164+05:30From Utter Gloom to Sunshine with Fortitude<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJyr_ztzRotTKkmDCr4fRsSiSe4dd4-bj0AzPVmNrMobJyrIVXHc2yDxD2uarT9D3-9ZKw2mGY3-dkt_Wx-uYlbddPs2PpiSJb2iNzxE9lT-pmFES4xqfiY86tQLlMWUe27smphlsyrz8/s1600/Rising.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img alt="Stay on Track to reach the light from utter gloom" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJyr_ztzRotTKkmDCr4fRsSiSe4dd4-bj0AzPVmNrMobJyrIVXHc2yDxD2uarT9D3-9ZKw2mGY3-dkt_Wx-uYlbddPs2PpiSJb2iNzxE9lT-pmFES4xqfiY86tQLlMWUe27smphlsyrz8/s320/Rising.PNG" title="From Utter Gloom to Sunshine with Fortitude" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">About a month ago I had written about how hitting Rock Bottom is an
opportunity for a way that we may have otherwise not considered. I truly
believe in this, but it involves far more than merely hitting upon an idea to
start afresh and then moving ahead. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">When we have experienced hitting the lowest conceivable point, there is
this battered feeling from which we never really recover. Even the strongest
and most positive people do relive the feeling of utter despair at having lost
so much. This feeling or at least the memory of it probably haunts most of us.
When we roll up our sleeves and decide to try something entirely new, we need
to approach it with burning passion. The battering that I just spoke of, can
successfully douse the fire of this passion or bring us to the brink of giving
up and sinking right back to the gloomy pit.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">How then, do we remain focused and persevere? Speaking from personal
experience, the trick is to identify a strong motivation. If, like I had
suggested in my post of 17<sup>th</sup> January about hitting Rock Bottom being
an opportunity, we find something that is truly our calling, all we have to do
is keep in mind how this new venture excites us. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">If per chance, it is something that interests us or that which we are
compelled to do, but not passionate about, it can be a challenge to rise from
the ashes of disaster. There is a probability that the conflict between knowing
we need to come out of the private hell we are in and not having enough
inspiration to do so can weigh us down. The only thing to do then, is to remind
ourselves that life at rock bottom is no life at all. Making a change from the
lowest of lows can only be a good thing.</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">It takes a huge amount of perseverance and something that borders on
obsession. Even more important is the belief that we are capable and deserve
better than whatever misfortune we have recently faced. </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There are several factors that deter us from staying on the path of
rising above rock bottom that we have ended up in. I would imagine that one of
them is the fear of failure and what it will do to us. To my mind, the solution
to this challenge is simple: There is no place lower than rock bottom. It may
take a couple of attempts but we have been there and survived it. </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I know for a fact that a large number of people who have faced some sort
of disaster start experiencing an almost irrevocable sense of defeat and helplessness.
This is one of the biggest deterrents to any sort of advance. The mind set of
‘I can’t’ overshadows everything and is destructive. I would suggest that those
who find themselves short on self-confidence seriously consider having a
conversation with themselves. One may imagine that I am suggesting that we
resort to borderline lunacy, I am not. Standing in front of a mirror and
repeating something along the lines of ‘I am better than this’ or ‘I can rise
above this’ will actually work. </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I know someone who has survived cancer and one of the procedures he
underwent was to be injected with some sort of medicine that contained snake
venom. It worked and several decades later, he is still around. That’s what it
takes to bounce back, we need to find or create something that is as powerful
as the thing that got us down. When I say create, I mean we find a reason and
then build on it until it becomes a predominant part of us. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Another thing to bear in mind is that we need to be selfish. Even if we
have scores of people who truly care, no one really does as much as we care for
ourselves. In order that we rise and walk into the sunshine once again, it is
essential to remember that only we can make the switch that is vital to change
for the better. We must do it for ourselves; in any case, when we pull
ourselves out of the darkness, those whose lives we touch, will benefit too.</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The process of reinventing ourselves from the inside out is a long
process that requires a great deal of introspection followed by a greater deal
of hard work and a relentless will to succeed. It is highly possible that some
of those who are witness to this process may express their reservations or even
think we are doing something harebrained. There are a multitude of reasons for
it, the two that seem the most common to me are their own fear as well as
suppressed envy. Regardless of the reason, we ought not to ever feel
discouraged by how others view what we are doing, change is hard for many to
accept. In fact, I would go so far as to say, we shouldn’t even care what
anybody else thinks. We have a mission and we must see it through.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This post is for all those who struggle to come out of the dark and into
the sunlight. <b>You know that you have it in you to make the change – so begin
today!</b></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-11087428058287605212020-01-31T13:19:00.000+05:302020-02-01T10:06:27.437+05:30We Disagree, So What?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7-NjiZ_vbyXsDM2jxKkJ30wzTARiHajSh1bZuFxNQWndNbRyIl_k53CXLPYn0_UwbM1Fvt5qCR6oYDwMWHNX9sHg0QBt0FLDuqhdie_ejDbryrqdB8MkZylpILv7i9EJDTRxWNNpePmQ/s1600/Ebony+and+Ivory.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img alt="Agree to Disagree" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7-NjiZ_vbyXsDM2jxKkJ30wzTARiHajSh1bZuFxNQWndNbRyIl_k53CXLPYn0_UwbM1Fvt5qCR6oYDwMWHNX9sHg0QBt0FLDuqhdie_ejDbryrqdB8MkZylpILv7i9EJDTRxWNNpePmQ/s320/Ebony+and+Ivory.PNG" title="Ebony and Ivory" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Not far from where I live, is a set
of apartments meant strictly for those whose religion allows them only a
certain type of food. No one can bring in even a tiny morsel of food that has as
much as a suggestion of the forbidden ingredients. I get why this residential
pocket has this strange rule: it’s to guarantee that no one of this sect ever
feels offended or uncomfortable, so that at least the place they call home is
surrounded only by that which they are accepting of. This is exactly what I
have a problem with. Why is it that their beliefs and way of life is okay and
to be respected but not anyone else’s? Do the rest of us not measure up to
their imagined standards? Are we lesser people?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is just a small example of an
inclination all of us tend to have within us, it is nothing new. We have always
been unaccepting of that which we are neither familiar with nor believe in. Settlers
and invaders arrived in new territories and if they were strong and powerful,
the original residents were marginalised mainly because they lived in a way
unfamiliar to the settlers and invaders. The instances of when the lot that
arrived and then lived in harmony with the indigenous group, married their two
cultures are far less than the overpowering of the milder group. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This post is not about history or my
views on the events in eras gone by. Based on the environment we grow up in or
despite of it, we end up imbibing a set of values, beliefs and opinions. With
time, it becomes a creed we live by. This could be about our faith, our
political views and allegiances or our thoughts and convictions on how the
various facets of everyday life must be lived. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Most of us opine on and judge
everything and hold in disdain that which doesn’t reflect our way. Something
that is as simple as colour schemes and choices made thereof can and does lead
to our dismissing people for having poor taste and therefore being lesser than
us. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today, the world is not just divided
but fragmented because of religious or political beliefs and convictions. This
is not just globally or on a nationwide scale, it’s happening around us and
within our circles. I do not know if it is my limited vision or the fact that I
think many of the things that are going on everywhere are fundamentally awful
but, I think hate based on diametrically opposite views seems to be on the
rise.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I always thought that it is important
to respect people’s thoughts and opinions even if they were completely outside
of my views and opinions. I have to confess that there are times now, when I find
myself failing to do this. Why is it that I think that anyone who doesn’t agree
with my opinion on all matters big or small is unacceptable or needs to be
shown the light of day? Do I have a set of values and principles or am I showing
signs of becoming dogmatic? How about you? Are you able to keep all your
opinions aside and respect everyone’s views and choices?</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It so happens that there is one or
the other song constantly playing in my mind’s ear and right now, there are two
that are playing simultaneously. One is about us imagining a world where all
the people live in peace and the other, about how the keys of a piano are ebony
and ivory and yet together they make such beautiful music. The lyrics are ever
so meaningful and relevant to what I am writing but I know that expecting such
ideal situations is simply foolish. Can we then conclude that there is nothing
to be done and that we will all eventually destroy each other because of
opposing and radical views, convictions and beliefs? That, according to me, is
not how it has to be.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">While most of us do not possess the
wherewithal to make any note-worthy difference to the world as a whole; in fact,
not even our country, city, town or village. What we can try to do is, make a
start by respecting the opinions and beliefs of those whom we live amongst. If
we did that, if we make it a point to be accepting of what people around us
eat, what they wear, how they live, what they do to keep themselves amused or
entertained, whom they worship or vote for – wouldn’t our immediate world be a
better place?</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If this caught on as a movement, can
you imagine the impact? Maybe, just maybe, mankind will end up making perfect
harmony like the keys of a piano.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk30689275;"></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-831502788044971082020-01-17T13:03:00.000+05:302020-01-17T13:58:20.491+05:30Hit Rock-Bottom? Congratulations!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcXpRfiIEExVMeNh5KLw8CZJ6aedTH4pteZZMhW2no8bQ5BQVREIx8Qvv0C8HMUbuYx-1c9gHE2Ogeo2aM5LIfE-dUgfIMrKkhDnlFQ224dbmDwFhRRJWry3TkRQbIfircZf6c8kASpP4/s1600/Slide8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Rock-Bottom" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcXpRfiIEExVMeNh5KLw8CZJ6aedTH4pteZZMhW2no8bQ5BQVREIx8Qvv0C8HMUbuYx-1c9gHE2Ogeo2aM5LIfE-dUgfIMrKkhDnlFQ224dbmDwFhRRJWry3TkRQbIfircZf6c8kASpP4/s320/Slide8.PNG" title="Hit Rock-Bottom? Congratulations!" width="320" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There
comes a point in our lives, when we sink to the lowest of lows, we hit rock-bottom and that,
according to me is among the best places to be! Be it a career, relationship,
financial, behaviour or conduct related low and its consequent hardship; it’s a
blessing, my heartiest congratulations to you!</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Far
too often, we put up with unfavourable situations in the hope that things will
change or that we will become stronger. It could be fear, doubt, delusion or
denial that keeps us from acting when things are not quite right. We lie to
ourselves as a coping mechanism so often that the lie turns into truth for us.
Then it happens, all of a sudden, we are not just sinking but crashing till we
reach that torturous pit of agony. We can, should we choose to, remain there and
lead a life of misery (secret or otherwise) but that is an unhealthy place to
be.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hitting
rock bottom can and frequently does compel us to take a hard look at ourselves
and our reality, reassess what we have going for us and then make the best of
it. In order that we survive, we find another way – something that we never had
the courage to try before or something we never ever imagined we would do. </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When
we hit a dead end in our career because we are jobless, or our business has
failed; it’s the worst sort of hardship. Apart from feeling utterly incompetent
and being in a constant mode of depression and anxiety, the subsequent dip in
hard cash and the resultant desperation is well known to all. That’s when we
can think of what to do, explore possibilities and discover that other
occupation that ends up being the best thing ever. There are scores of stories
of people who hit rock bottom, changed tracks in their career and achieved
unimagined success.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I
know someone who lost his job and try as he might, he just could not get
another one. He sunk into the worst sort of depression, the sort that needed
medication. Then, one day, he decided that he may as well spend his time
gardening, something he loved but had never had time to do while he was chasing
that next promotion or increment. His garden grew as he channelled more and
more energy and attention towards it. Suddenly, an idea struck him, and he
thought of finding a market for his flowers and it worked. Today he has a farm
where he grows the most gorgeous flowers and has become a well-known florist.
His despair and depression led him to live a fulfilling and successful life
doing exactly what he loves to do.</i></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></i></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then
there are things we put up with at home with our family. The child who has
chosen to go down a self-destructive path, the parent who is too involved in
the life of adult children, the spouse who we no longer love or respect, the
morally, psychologically, socially unacceptable occurrences within the family
that we pretend is okay. We tell ourselves that things will change for the
better, pray for strength and a miracle or feel that love and time will turn
things around someday or just accept it as a part of life. The facet of our
familial life that is wrong keeps hitting lower lows, probably because it is
unharnessed, and then, the crash happens, and we are at rock bottom. That is
when we muster up the strength and courage to rectify what’s wrong, in a
decisive and fruitful way. Rising from rock bottom in the familial scenario
involves being cruel to be kind, something that requires strength. The benefit
of rectifying what’s wrong: drawing lines for the undisciplined child or the
overbearing parent, giving ultimatums to the spouse who is less than fair and
kind to us or even walking out, will not only make our lives happier but send a
message to the person who is doing something wrong. That may be the rock bottom
they hit and eventually rise out of.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I
have the privilege of knowing this person, she is to this day illiterate but
has, in my eyes, accomplished a lot. She used to live in a city but was married
off to a farmer in a rural part of India. The story of her marriage is an ‘unhappily’
ever after one, soon she had two kids and continued her unhappy life because of
imagined pressures from society and her family. Then, she hit that breaking
point when her husband came home with a second wife. She packed her bags, took
her two kids and went right back to the city she grew up in. There, she found
herself a job, got her son and daughter into the best school she could afford
and proceeded to divorce her husband with the help of an organisation that
helps women’s causes. Today, her children are grown up and in good jobs, she
lives a happy life in a house she owns. I am sure you will agree that her
ex-husband’s second marriage was the best thing that happened to her.</i></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></i></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I state with deep conviction that it is better to
speak up, wake up or even break away before a situation gets too alarming for
words. Rare is the person who is completely oblivious to whatever is wrong in
their lives and can tell when there are early signs of impending disaster. Why
not take remedial steps then? This is specially recommended if we have faced
hardship repeatedly, we can smell trouble from a mile away and should, for our
own good, do something about it immediately. It requires strength and
conviction, I know; however, bouncing back from devastating hardship requires a whole
lot more.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A famous author once said something about everyone
being face down in the gutter but some looking up at the stars from the gutter.
I would add: Let’s not just look at the stars from the gutter but reach for
them. </span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-74087595631866400982020-01-03T12:09:00.000+05:302020-02-14T20:02:33.352+05:30Rumination #8 Courtesy is Everything<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqAx1TxYymC-T8QuWIAp2777EfPxXhH3ZZbioWDDby_VS-mZoXdUP644PsqSTQj_YlRXiKnxB777EFHqK0uGPmZLTlsH0JjGwMlyp-qvXlMhIuoW85trtQan7mUW69ASBmRNUvco5Vb3c/s1600/Slide11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqAx1TxYymC-T8QuWIAp2777EfPxXhH3ZZbioWDDby_VS-mZoXdUP644PsqSTQj_YlRXiKnxB777EFHqK0uGPmZLTlsH0JjGwMlyp-qvXlMhIuoW85trtQan7mUW69ASBmRNUvco5Vb3c/s320/Slide11.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s
always wonderful when someone knows and practices all the rules of etiquette.
In some ways, it is important to know things like which piece of cutlery,
crockery and glassware is used for which particular thing. It is certainly
important to say things like ‘<i>please</i>’, ‘<i>thank you</i>’, <i>‘may I</i>’
and what have you. Following all the rules of etiquette stand for nothing if
they are not coupled with courtesy. In my first post, I had said that the
spelling of ‘luck’ is h-a-r-d w-o-r-k; similarly, the spelling of courtesy is c-o-n-s-i-d-e-r-a-t-i-o-n
and r-e-s-p-e-c-t. In other words, it’s lending thought to the feelings and
convenience of people we deal with. It does not take much to do this and counts
for more than many would imagine.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At
work it entails doing basic things like not breaking into loud conversations in
open workspaces, avoiding eating food in the actual place of work, not keeping
others waiting for us or our deliverables. There is a common practice among many,
people simply do not acknowledge e-mail messages, respond promptly or keep all
concerned informed of the status of an ongoing work-related matter. Some people
think that it is better to respond when there is something to say, they do not
think of how the sender may wonder whether the message has reached at all or
whether whatever they wrote about is relevant. Worse still is stalling or
maintaining silence at all possible costs, when something is not going to work
out or if the answer is a <i>No</i>. Everyone is fully aware of changing circumstances
and priorities and being honest with them is a hundred times better than
avoiding them or acting in an unexpected manner.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Courtesy
is about taking into account all that is convenient for our friends and not
just being there for them when it suits us. I have observed that often there is
an imbalance in many social relationships, with one friend giving and being
there far more than the other friend or friends. The obverse, when one member
of the group gets his or her way all the time, is equally prevalent. Maybe, the
others in the group or duo are of a milder nature or are scared of losing a
friend; it is the job of those getting the advantage to pause and think of the
others in the relationship. Reciprocity is essential to being courteous to our
friends. When visiting others, whether for a few hours or days, it makes a lot
of difference if the guests follow the ways of the household rather than
insisting that the hosts bend backwards which is as important as hosts ensuring
that the guests’ every comfort is looked into.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We
may be observing all of the things I have enlisted above and a great deal more
but unless we extend that same courtesy to those at home, we cannot really
think of ourselves as courteous. Taking individual likes, inclinations and
nature into account is a fundamental part of being considerate with our
relatives and I am not sure that this is all that common. Acknowledging the
thoughtfulness, generosity, sacrifices of any member of our family and not
taking anyone for granted is to me, essential to courtesy. One particular
aspect of courtesy that I feel all offspring ought to practice but frequently
forget about is, ceasing to act like a child around their parents once they
have grown up. There comes a time when children need to become the ones taking
care, and I am not referring so much to financial matters as I am to something
that falls under the broad category of molly coddling. Parents, or the head of
the family often thrust their opinions, dreams, ambitions and aspirations upon the
others in the family, especially the younger generation. If an offspring wants
to pursue a career that the elders have not planned for them or spend their
life with a partner that did not fit into the elders’ dreams for them, it does
not follow that it is wrong. Many young lives are secretly wrought with pain,
regret and even agony because they relented to their elder’s wishes or strong
rules of the house. The courtesy of letting the younger generation be whatever
they want to be is one of the greatest gifts we can give to them.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If
one is genuinely courteous, then being civil when dealing with strangers
follows naturally. Giving way to others while driving, waiting ones turn in
queues, being kind to those who serve and a host of other such things, are second
nature.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even
though I have mentioned instances of courtesy in the workplace, with our friends,
at home and with the world in general, there really is no set of separate rules
of courtesy one must follow for any particular environment or situation. If per
chance, someone is the epitome of courtesy in the workplace and the workplace
alone, the genuineness of it is highly questionable. Being courteous is
fundamental to our being thought of as reliable and thereby, popular. I agree
that some do mistake courteous people for fools or suckers, but that is their
problem.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A
final thought: the biggest courtesy we can extend to anyone is being honest
with them. At certain times and for certain people, this takes a lot of courage
but the arguments that support it are too many to ignore.</span></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-2791917079887690072019-12-13T15:56:00.000+05:302020-01-02T11:21:47.715+05:30Rumination #7 Be Helpfull - Addendum<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgna2CYmeZTpH14K-ZGfM3N8zj-PW1PSPuhYUu4w7LA2aHEn_wjJzVzIYaL8sjcU7wNetbJaY96T14a6FnfAoNIT20Gnc7rzTEICIe-3nLOGIlBrrOTFMBgt6vDbb3M4hrB_2hk1TfzBHw/s1600/Slide10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgna2CYmeZTpH14K-ZGfM3N8zj-PW1PSPuhYUu4w7LA2aHEn_wjJzVzIYaL8sjcU7wNetbJaY96T14a6FnfAoNIT20Gnc7rzTEICIe-3nLOGIlBrrOTFMBgt6vDbb3M4hrB_2hk1TfzBHw/s320/Slide10.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">In the last blog post, I had related instances of help offered by
friends of mine and the outcome of each act of giving. As I had mentioned, I
spoke at length with each and decided that some of their thoughts must be
shared in their own words. The common thread in all is that they continue to
help despite undesirable outcomes. I know these individuals well and so am more
than sure that they will never cease to be kind and giving people. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">These are the words of the friend who helped the young boy who
eventually ran away to follow his dreams of becoming a Bollywood dancer:</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have always believed that if I can uplift one individual from an
economically lower background, that one individual can uplift his family into
better circumstances. Not all my experiences have been successful, but even
then, I am happy for I did the best that I could. I would like to share my most
recent experience.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">There is a 20-year-old girl from a nomadic tribe who came to Pune when
she was in the 8th standard to complete her education. She stayed with her
uncle who made her pay her way through school doing odd jobs, which was very
creditable. </span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">After her 10<sup>th</sup> board exams she came to us as she had nowhere
to stay. I promised to educate her and got her into Garware junior college; she
was back to studies and helping with some light housework as any family member
would. As the days passed, I noticed a change in her behaviour. She wouldn’t
come home on time, was in a hurry to leave home at 6:30 am for a 7:15 lecture (we
are a 10 min walk from the college).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
questioned her and never got a reply, only silence. My instinct told me what
was happening, but I too remained silent. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">Finally, this year she completed her 12th. That is when I told her that
she would no longer be going to regular college and that I would enroll her
into an external programme. She didn’t say much but asked for a cellphone. Made
sense as the study material is sent via email. Little did I know this would be
the start of trouble. That was the beginning of her moping, sulking and losing
weight. Her family thought of black magic but I waited for her to confess that
she had a boyfriend. </span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">As it turned out, she had been seeing this boy from the time she joined
Junior College. She used to go to his house and to so called picnic spots with
him! I was shell shocked at the change in focus in this girl and how devious
she had become. Today she doesn’t want to study, (fees have been paid), wants
to marry this 20-year-old boy instead (illegal) and is willing to break ties
with her family. She thinks her life will follow the serials on TV. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">Her family will be brutal with her if they find out; for them
brotherhood is sacred. Marriage outside the community is taboo. Most
importantly they will not trust people like me who only thought about uplifting
their family.</span></i><br />
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">This actually makes me wonder if it’s worth the effort I
put in to try and help. It confuses their thinking, self-image and displaces
them; so am I really helping!</span></i></b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;">The following are the words of the friend who is forever offering
financial help to anyone she thinks, needs it:</span><br />
<br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Giving,
a word that is both magnanimous, yet ever so smug! I began to reflect on what
drives people to give. What makes Warren Buffett give away his fortune or an
Azim Premji hand over an entire building to his tenants? </span></i><i><span style="color: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></i><br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">One
obviously, is the capacity to give i.e. do I have a surplus I can spare? While
there is no doubt about the above mentioned, what about the beggar who chooses to
share his dry chapati with a stray puppy? Therefore, is it an actual surplus or
a perception of surplus or as we’re taught in kindergarten, a willingness to
share? </span></i><br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Secondly,
what is the internal motivation to give? I choose to give, because I am exceedingly
selfish! Sounds quite contrarian, doesn't it? I ask myself, for whom do I give?
Is it to help others or is it to feel good about myself? For me the answer is
resoundingly, "for myself"! Everything we do, both positive or
negative fulfils some need and propels our action in that direction. However,
this realization came to me much later in life. Initially I too thought i was
being ever so altruistic. Only later did I realize that it was as much for me,
as it was for the other person. </span></i><br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Lastly,
how much is enough? I have come to believe that this is a journey, just like in
kindergarten - first we were reluctant to share the toy, then we learnt the fun
of playing together, then we worried if we'd be reprimanded if we took away the
toy and eventually we learnt that it was okay to walk away with it for a while.
Similarly, today I choose to give, when I want, to whom I want as much as I
choose to and in only those situations wherein, I can give, with no
expectations whatsoever.</span></i><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
gentleman who helps his elderly neighbour has shared his opinion on the matter
thus:</span><br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Giving,
for me, is not so much of giving away things as it is about helping people in
some form of need. Like helping an old person cross the road or carrying bags
up the stairs for someone who may struggle with them or allowing someone who
has a genuine reason and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>need to get
ahead in a queue or helping someone in distress when they’re out on the road.
It probably harks back to my pre-teen days of being a "Boy Scout" and
their motto of doing one good deed a day. I don't expect it to pay me back in
some form or let me wear a halo for doing inconsequential deeds. It may be a
deep-rooted need for being considered a dependable, decent person or it could
be just a trait developed over the years out of people expecting it of me. </span></i><i><span style="color: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></i><br />
<i><span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Whatever
the reasons, I personally do not think too much about it and ideally there
should not be a pre-meditated reason for being helpful. I believe, most people
are giving only on account of their wanting to do so. There are countless
examples of people donating large sums of money or property or their time and
effort because they genuinely want to make a difference in someone’s life. They
do not seek recognition (which they get in any case) or out a sense of
obligation but merely to be able to help a person in need. Giving should be at
all times and under every circumstance and not merely when it’s convenient for
the giver. </span></i><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
have had a lot of thoughts on the matter too and now believe that some of the
help that <i>giving</i> people offer, doesn’t always help as much as they
imagine. If the help that is offered leads to a crippling dependency or
encourages the receiver to act in a manner that may be viewed as unfair, the
end-result is far from ideal or even positive. Yes, the odd gestures to the
passing stranger is not only admirable but, essential to being humane; in my
opinion, the givers need to pause and lend a great deal of thought to what the
consequences of their act of giving may be. In all probability, all givers and
most certainly the three people I have quoted, will continue to help till
forever. I hope they can consider including a plan for the receivers to really benefit
and grow. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Finally,
a word of great appreciation for the people who share their lives with the
helpers. Not much thought is given to how most of them happily go along with
whatever the serial and chronic helper chooses to do. </span><br />
<br /></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-49038024859981149512019-11-29T12:45:00.004+05:302020-01-02T11:25:24.394+05:30Rumination #6 Be Helpful Whenever You Can<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVG-eJllPZfGg-CwUY7QlkAomTxxfkMq3UwBZSFT3gNM6-y1azey9lMbs2lFlJ_CYYuYHzap53_BHmmu2yGq06q75dz9oehyD6ZQX3TR7nWBRYwD8P1IDPD6G4O4miY6eyYwEHQBF78Tc/s1600/Slide9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVG-eJllPZfGg-CwUY7QlkAomTxxfkMq3UwBZSFT3gNM6-y1azey9lMbs2lFlJ_CYYuYHzap53_BHmmu2yGq06q75dz9oehyD6ZQX3TR7nWBRYwD8P1IDPD6G4O4miY6eyYwEHQBF78Tc/s320/Slide9.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9RUyCcKIUibSr9hxgE2Od5oZ_0sn41A0QGBfvOuK0MWkWJzF3ZDqbTmtIWyouPXIvQnHTM7owrMth1CqYZPXSD8r6ZL4NVUfspQ2oe7MAZd5X9jpSgAMfPdWLYRCDHMIDMMV3og6XeE0/s1600/Slide7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Helpfulness
comes in various forms and degrees. Some people are given to random acts of
kindness, others can always be relied upon to stand by and support their friends
and family. There are some who go out of the way to help others in a manner that
can only be termed as <i>angelic</i>. I have the great honour of knowing quite
a few such angels. To share a few instances of the extraordinary acts of such
friends of mine: </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many years ago, a friend took in a young boy from an
underprivileged background; she fed him, clothed him, educated him in the same
manner that she did her own kids. She hoped to provide him with all the
opportunities a bright boy like him deserved. Just to be clear, she did not do
this because of any empty spaces in her life.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another friend voluntarily offers financial help to
any of her friends and family whenever she senses the need to do so. One such
thing that she did was to decide to give financial help to a friend because she
thought it might be a stretch for the lady to worry about the recurring school
fees of her child.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is this gentleman who did everything he possibly
could to assist an aged, lonely and almost abandoned neighbour. He never failed
to respond to her need, regardless of how busy he was. It is important to
mention that with time, all her friends and most of her relatives have stopped
keeping in touch with her. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What
do you think happened in each instance? The boy who my friend took in, turned
around one day, accused her of thwarting his dreams of becoming a Bollywood dancer
and ran away. The one who is still paying the school fees, has been questioning
her decision as she has seen the parent in professed need blithely go out and
buy the best of clothes, shoes and accessories. The gentleman who helps the
neighbour, is constantly plagued by the lady for the most absurd things at any
odd hour while she manages to successfully handle all situations with other
firmer or less considerate people. As you can well imagine, doubt and
bitterness coloured the hearts of these three angels because of these
experiences.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I
am sure each of you have similar anecdotes about people you personally know,
some of you may even be the kind of angels I am referring to. It’s not that
those who help are unaware of the dynamics being so skewed, they are. Such
people are serial helpers and have faced the most undesirable outcome time and
time again. A few get their fingers burnt so many times that they resort to
going against their nature and not helping people ever again.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not
every person who receives help is ungrateful. In some relationships, the give
and take, is so frequent that it turns into a soul to soul connection. Random
acts of kindness and the occasional helping hand are what go around and come
back in the form of some blessing from above, they are in any case carried out
with no expectations. It is the extraordinary ones that often backfire and hurt
or irritate the ones who offer help.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In
my opinion, the fault is as much of those who help as it is of those who take
ingratitude to its extreme. Maybe they ought to have handled the whole thing
differently. Two possible solutions to bring some sort of balance to the
dynamics, come to mind. In order to be decent about it, they do not begin by being
entirely candid with those whom they help or are too hasty in offering their
support. The helpful neighbour could have begun by occasionally letting the lady
know when he was busy and told her that he would need some time.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Next,
those who help should consider finding ways to help people become self-reliant.
The old adage about <i>teaching people to fish</i> is something one must always
remember. In all probability those who help, do so because of the environment at
home, out of a compelling sense of duty, because of a deep seated and very
human need to be thought of as nice or some other wholly justifiable reason. In
doing this, they make it a habit to keep <i>doing </i>instead of <i>showing how.
</i>A dependency ensues and can at times, feel like a thorn.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Honestly
speaking, it can be bothersome to show or teach people how to do something. It
is much easier to quickly do something for someone and then get back to one’s
own preoccupations, duties and tasks. The skewed dynamics between the helper
and recipient begin early on, grow and fester with time. The effort of <i>showing</i>
someone is actually far less when measured against the strain and negative
feelings that arise out of perpetually helping someone to the point of feeling exasperated
or changing from the very core.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My
plea to all helpful souls: Don’t ever stop being the angels you are, do consider
changing the way you help people.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><b><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Postscript</span></b><span lang="EN-IN" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">: <i>I have had long discussions with the three people mentioned in this
post, what they had to say is so thought provoking and motivating that it has
inspired me to write another post on helpfulness, a sort of an addendum.</i></span></span></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-63394239262583320112019-11-15T09:13:00.000+05:302020-01-02T11:28:30.040+05:30Rumination #5 Handle Backlash<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9hQMWtxv_PU0Kf11noJt47ZWjxPJKZ9Z_GlkRkeIq4FzY4HCS4hs78Jagsn2Y_zNQXo5G3j2tAX9KMlrlZL-mCk3S20fsbFmL2sPmbRxex6zEr26ck-zJvO6zLXJ6FgSguIQ2CGkQvdM/s1600/Slide5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiejHGTpdoao1j9TyebXTR3O34DM0YSx3rNn7gIXxI3BqhxTET7K3lInVCvnDGf4_KeBiMFG-pyhTYdPH2PsyK8u8kQxl95VpztCQzMg_lPTme94XfmZK3ZqoH9ZEuT99cpRe1OAEije_o/s1600/Slide7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiejHGTpdoao1j9TyebXTR3O34DM0YSx3rNn7gIXxI3BqhxTET7K3lInVCvnDGf4_KeBiMFG-pyhTYdPH2PsyK8u8kQxl95VpztCQzMg_lPTme94XfmZK3ZqoH9ZEuT99cpRe1OAEije_o/s320/Slide7.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We spend every second of our life making
choices or living out the consequences of a choice made in the recent or
distant past. Choices are made when we decide to turn in late or wake up early,
have something from the regular range of meals in the household or try
something different for a change, we choose to keep to ourselves on some days
and reach out to people on others, we opt to buckle under pressure and graduate
in a certain stream or qualify in an area that only our heart, instinct or an
impulse guides us toward. We select the sort of partner or career path we do,
because of pressure; or, we make a choice without any outside influence. We
make a choice even when we are entirely passive.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Every choice we make, even the smallest of
ones, has a consequence that we may or may not have bargained for. Being
dressed up will most likely get us a lot of attention, that indulgent snack may
give us a feeling of discomfort, taking our own sweet time will cause delay and,
following online maps blindly will often make us go around in dizzying circles!
</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then, there are the ones that bear a
long-term impact on our life. That engineering course we went for because of
familial pressure or just to please daddy may leave us with a lifetime of
feeling that we would have had a better life had we become a journalist, like
we really wanted to. The high-profile job we took is demanding and steals all
our time and energy, leaving us resentful. That simple and docile partner we
chose as a life mate, may arouse a craving for a great deal more. The list goes
on.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Every now and then, we choose without
really thinking everything through only to find that some of our choices result
in an overwhelming backlash. We then spend time feeling sorry for ourselves. As
is human nature, we ponder upon this and other miserable aspects of our life
and try to figure out why? Inevitably, we find that it’s because of what
someone else did or did not do, because God has forsaken us, because we did
something terrible in our previous life, because we were born under an unlucky
star, or because we neglected to follow a certain ritual that would have
definitely pleased God and changed our fortune. We will tell ourselves anything
but have the fortitude to take responsibility for the equal and opposite
reactions to the choices we make. </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s clear that it is ideal to think things
through and then think again before making any choices about the important
things in life. Perhaps some of us need to create a check list of sorts to help
us deliberate, as opposed to over-thinking when faced with choices about
important matters. This might even save us from the possibility of growing old
and grey by the time we are done with thinking things through. Some of the
questions we can have in the checklist could be:</span></span><br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Do I really need to do this?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Does it really matter?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Will it change my life for the better?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Is it aligned to my goals?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Is there an unmanageable downside?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Do I have the time and space to see it through?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Will it impact my finances in any way?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><i><span lang="EN-IN">Will my loved ones be affected by it?</span></i></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even though I am writing about this, I know
that I will continue to give in to impulses and make bad choices based on haste
or lack of sound reason. We have been told since our childhood to look before
we leap, yet we go right ahead and ignore this golden rule all too often. The
consequential distress, depression or agony plagues us for some period or the
rest of our lives.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Is
that how it’s supposed to be? We chose unwisely or without much thought, we
made a mistake and so we suffer? Is that a part of life? I disagree most emphatically! There is a way to handle this ‘<i>backlash of
our bad choices</i>’ thing: we man up and take responsibility for the
unforeseen or unimagined outcome of all our choices. If we take responsibility for
the effects of our bad choices, our minds and hearts will be lighter. Dealing
with it, in a manner of speaking, is choosing happiness, something that’s mentioned
in the previous post.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Being responsible for our own actions is perhaps
the toughest of all responsibilities. It requires a great deal of strength to
admit our own shortcomings, that’s why we try lying to ourselves. We may be the
savviest of fibbers and even convince our superficial selves to believe that
the fault isn’t ours. Deep down inside, somewhere in the depth of our heart and
the back alleys of the mind, we always know the fault is ours. If we face it
and deal with it, we will be so much more at peace with ourselves, a soothing
stillness will replace the inner turmoil.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I must mention that it is counterproductive to weigh the pros and
cons of every single choice we have to make. The thinking deeply through should
be exclusively for important things. Also, worth mentioning is the fact that
not every unplanned or impulsive action results in a minor or major backlash, a
few even give us much reason to rejoice.</span><i></i></span></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-9206974382922293782019-11-01T09:06:00.000+05:302020-01-02T11:32:15.950+05:30Rumination #4 - Happiness is a Choice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGQbCQlfif2VvOUCnUuxG14IB2TYXH3QscBBStsJUqGL6qOF2FZssSXeS_NoYQIDCsbg07Fj4hs0-b_IOQW2vjC674lPqjgclzSVNg-OyuHkRW12WaSNAEii5icGDfX6cwVgxkkE4LkE/s1600/Slide8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGQbCQlfif2VvOUCnUuxG14IB2TYXH3QscBBStsJUqGL6qOF2FZssSXeS_NoYQIDCsbg07Fj4hs0-b_IOQW2vjC674lPqjgclzSVNg-OyuHkRW12WaSNAEii5icGDfX6cwVgxkkE4LkE/s320/Slide8.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We are given to dwelling upon
the things that are wrong in our lives and either feeling quite like a hero for
having endured such pain or like a victim. The sad story of our life defines
everything we do and say and colours our very being in dark shades. It is true
that some lives are filled with tremendously tragic incidents or circumstances;
however, the quality of our life is determined by how we deal with adversity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We may feel sad and depressed because we
realise that we do not have too many real friends. All the people we invest so
much time on, are just fair-weather friends who are so wrapped up in themselves
that they never ever extend themselves for us. Almost all of us come to a point
where this reality hits us – a juncture in our lives when we realise that we
have some fair-weather friends. From then on, we have choices and the most
obvious ones are: We walk away and make our circle smaller, feel embittered
about friendships in general; continue with the relationships but nurture ill
feelings and distrust, feel embittered; reduce our circle and spend our time
and effort with only those who are true friends; make new friends and take care
this time to choose sincere people who offer us what we truly seek. The last
two are options that will make us happy but might need us to make some effort,
not to mention acknowledging the fact that we may be as much to blame as the
other party or parties.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The instances of people being unhappy in a
marriage or relationship are incalculable. It’s almost as if people get into
relationships and marital alliances and then work towards being unhappy and keep
complaining or feel heroic for suffering in silence. I think the first mistake
is not choosing prudently and rushing into things because we are desperate or
under pressure from people in our lives. The next mistake is something I
mentioned in my first and second post; we do not start in a sustainable manner. Then,
there are those who feel compromising is a part of a successful relationship
and those who keep waiting for that day when the partner will suddenly wake up
and see the light of day. Obviously, avoiding all the things I have just
mentioned are keys to happy relationships; however, so are levelling at the
first signs of unhappiness and having the guts to end things if required.
Failing all this, one needs to accept the responsibility of having allowed
oneself to be in the bad situation and then make the best of it, this may not
lead to a state of bliss but, will certainly lead to a less stressful life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">People tend to do a similar thing with the
jobs they have; they choose to be unhappy. A clear understanding of reality and
the limitations each of us have, would lead to less stress. I am not, for a
minute, suggesting that one should always be happy, no matter what. I am
suggesting that we should have clarity on what is actually wrong, see what we
can do about it, make changes where possible and live with what we have until
change is possible. Another thing, change takes place when we initiate it –
others are not all that concerned with what plagues us and no amount of prayer
will bring about magical change. The only thing we can change is ourselves.
Find that job, take on that challenge, find an alternative career, work on your
areas of improvement, stand up to that bully. If everything fails, deal with
it!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t know about anyone else, but I
sometimes go to great lengths to avoid people who are persistently unhappy.
They send out the most distressing vibes which I do not take much pleasure in
being around. An observation I have made
is that unhappy people are usually more annoyed than those who choose happiness.
According to them they are always the victim and never deserved such a raw
deal. So you add snap and blame to the whine and the mix is too repulsive for
words. Unfortunately, we do not tell chronic whiners why we keep them at arm’s
length. Nor do we make people aware of the pitfalls of revelling in self pity
and unhappiness when they begin to head that way. Perhaps, if we did, it would
save the situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have personally experienced anger or
anguish triggering aches and pains and joy the reverse. When in an extreme situation of stress, I
listen to music – that is my elixir. Everyone has something, if not a few
things, that can alleviate their spirit, identifying it and using it to one’s
advantage is often the first step in facing adversity with ones chin up. Choosing
to be unhappy is unhealthy for our body and mind. Genuine happiness is a choice
that sometimes needs great effort but is definitely worth it. How wonderful it
would be if all of us worked towards being the sort of people who radiate such
happiness that it infects others with peace and joy. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span lang="EN-IN" style="line-height: 115%;">A
word of caution, being the eternal clown or jokester is no indication of
happiness, it is viewed as insufferable by many</span></i><span lang="EN-IN" style="line-height: 115%;">.</span></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-79721984983486288072019-10-18T17:00:00.000+05:302020-01-02T11:46:08.390+05:30Rumination #3 Embrace Divergence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAqWYkias9LNrEG85smemPMXIMiqlqLPsFrmZm9mKLewpyQkc3vGUx3uvaierB0GQjggA8R_i6xkz0y5xgkMP2Y36Hv18VO1xYvkzoNN2nkP-HnKIDWrsjbOuxyDkanhnVs0rIzXxf_YA/s1600/Slide4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAqWYkias9LNrEG85smemPMXIMiqlqLPsFrmZm9mKLewpyQkc3vGUx3uvaierB0GQjggA8R_i6xkz0y5xgkMP2Y36Hv18VO1xYvkzoNN2nkP-HnKIDWrsjbOuxyDkanhnVs0rIzXxf_YA/s400/Slide4.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We are all undeniably, creatures of habit,
some of us more than others. From using a particular piece of crockery or
cutlery for our everyday meals, opting to sit on the same chair, wearing
certain kinds of clothes, visiting certain types of places, to feeling
connected to a particular sort of people. We may eventually get over it, but
most of us are uncomfortable with or around that which is different. Some of us
even go so far as to almost condemn those whose choices in simple things like
food and style are not within our self-defined norms. We are prisoners, in a
manner of speaking, of our own choices and ways.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While things like having
your tea or coffee in the same mug or cup till breakage does you part, is
harmless, we do miss out on a great deal when our circle has only certain kind
of people and when we find only certain perspectives and behaviours to be
acceptable. The most obvious benefit of getting to know different types of
people is having a wider circle of friends and acquaintances. Spending time
with people who are <i>different </i>widens our horizon and gives us insight
into a range of perspectives. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy having the luxury of a
choice when we want to have a good time or a range of people to turn to in
times of trouble?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Most organisations and
businesses work in teams and place much importance on teamwork. Teams are not
just about getting along and being in a harmonious environment, they are one facet
of the work environment where differences can be enormously advantageous.
People with a technical bent of mind are often a little wanting in being
expressive or being too social; someone who is analytical may not be too
creative and so on and so forth. All such skills come into play in the
workplace and most functions need each kind at some time or the other. What if
we embrace and cherish different skills and mindsets at work and use the
resources on hand? How smart is it when a creative person seeks the input of an
analyst when she/he/them needs to present data and facts? If people from
marketing and sales turn to manufacturing and production staff to work together
towards a common goal, there is the obvious advantage of near absence of
interdepartmental friction and possibly, shorter and fewer meetings too. It’s
all about not focussing on the difference but embracing it instead to work as a
whole.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are some who are so
different that many of us can hardly comprehend what they have to say. They
speak in words and phrases that are so esoteric that we doubt whether they
themselves fully understand what they just said. What might escape us is the
fact that it is because of this different perspective that they come up with
unique and sometimes astonishing work. To my experience, people in the creative
field are often like this. That amazing photograph of a single fallen leaf or
just a drop of water, was the perspective of a creative and different mind.
Outstanding works of the arts and literature are the product of viewing things
differently. This is not limited to just the arts and literature; we would probably
still believe that the earth is flat had someone not been different. All those
who have received awards and been celebrated in various fields, have a
different approach to their work. Being different and putting that difference
to good use leads to success. Often this requires a great deal of courage and
inner strength; could that be because the rest of us are repelled by
‘different’?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel that the area where
differences make the largest impact is in our faith, political views, life
choices and value systems. It’s not unusual for us to feel completely put off
or even annoyed with someone because they have beliefs and convictions that are
not like ours; I am not speaking of extreme views, just different. In my
opinion, these things are personal and need to be respected. I don’t know
anyone who is ashamed of their faith or life choices or political views or
value system. Thus, one can easily assume that each of us want and need to be
respected for them; however, when someone has a varying view, opinion or belief
– our reaction can be anything between passive rejection and aggressive
assertions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22222825;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN">I am pretty sure that I am
not saying anything new, in fact, it can be viewed as trite. Scores of thinkers
and artists have expressed the very same point of view so many times, that it
is impossible to put a number to it. The problem is, we have not changed and
have still to display any true intentions of doing so. As I write this piece,
the song that’s playing in my head is one by a very famous singer from one of the
most popular British bands: we haven’t <i>imagined</i> his message in its
entirety yet.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk22193033;"><span lang="EN-IN"> </span></span><span lang="EN-IN"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br /></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-66923918147272678782019-10-04T17:55:00.001+05:302020-04-08T12:34:42.207+05:30Want it to last? Begin Correctly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk6B05Yi7TmzGuqRYBEQmqr3mY7nTxosQV24ez2wfR2nit2rHawUtG-csevWruod5FyUIlXeyuYoVLu3u1rxlvXweGnVhRKiaRQWnCy4qQR1heYulOvxGttCwERUq8sbio1DXL-cZvHXk/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Be Freinds forever" border="0" data-original-height="3435" data-original-width="5152" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk6B05Yi7TmzGuqRYBEQmqr3mY7nTxosQV24ez2wfR2nit2rHawUtG-csevWruod5FyUIlXeyuYoVLu3u1rxlvXweGnVhRKiaRQWnCy4qQR1heYulOvxGttCwERUq8sbio1DXL-cZvHXk/w320-h213/Lasting+Relationship.jpg" title="Want it to Last? Begin Correctly" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><u><font color="#000120"></font></u><br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">All of us have been through situations
where the interpersonal dynamics seemed to be going smoothly or even
exceedingly well; and then, suddenly, things go horribly wrong and a seemingly
perfect aspect of our life turns nightmarish. The question is, did the dream
like thing suddenly turn sour or was there something amiss all along. The
likelihood of one side not having started correctly, in the seemingly wonderful
part of the relationship, is very high.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">For example, you have a friend whom you
take as sensitive or emotional because life has knocked her/him/them around
more than is usual. You decide to give him/her/them lots of latitude, bend over
backwards so often that you find yourself striking that pose whenever you are
with this friend. I would imagine you even enjoy being so virtuous, giving and perhaps
even the consequent dependency the friend has developed towards you. There
comes a time when life throws up something that has you focusing only on the
personal matter and you just do not have space for anyone or anything else. The
dependent, perhaps demanding, friend turns to you but you, for the first time
ever, shut the friend out. Not only will the friendship end, the friend is
likely to react in the most unpleasant, even childish way and that will be
that. I am not sure whether the friend is entirely to blame, since years or
even decades you let him/her/them feel as if you are always available and
accommodating. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">Even in the workplace one frequently
tolerates the oppressive or overly demanding behaviour of a superior or a colleague
just to be appreciated or for the next promotion or something like that. This
continues until we cannot take it anymore and also find that we have not really
gained as much as we thought we would. So, we quit or at the very least, start
behaving differently and end up being labelled as a trouble monger. I wonder
whose fault it really is when this happens, the superior or the colleague never
really knew about the reservations or objections we had to certain things, our
current protests and refusals are bound to be viewed as sudden rebellion. What
if we had voiced our objections or concerns right at the beginning? Why did we
put up with the unreasonable demands?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">We all have that one (at least) relative
who is manipulative, has too many whims and fancies, throws tantrums or is just
downright rude and selfish. We endure it, maybe for the sake of our parents,
sibling or spouse. Sometimes, this endless relenting leads to exasperation that
manifests itself overtly or covertly. In a culture such as ours, it is hard to
exercise the choice of distancing ourselves from that annoying relative. I
wonder if relenting all the time is the only way to maintain a good
relationship with our relatives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">In a romantic relationship, this happens
even more. You are attracted to a person and it appears so is she/he/them. It’s
not unusual for one or the other person to put up with a couple of things that
are unacceptable to them. It’s possible that the one who is tolerating the
unacceptable trait or behaviour does this out of an imagined sense of
obligation, a craving to have a lover or because of social, familial or peer
pressure. It could even be out of a feeling that patience will pay off and
that, eventually the partner will change. Years go by but the equation remains
the same, the unacceptable behaviour continues and the patience of the one
tolerating it wears thin, extremely thin. Eventually, things snap and break,
now the world and its brother become aware of the supposed oppression. My take
is, it was never an oppression – the person tolerating whatever behaviour or
trait didn’t once speak up. He/them she began in a manner which was
unsustainable and, had certainly not thought things through.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">The key is to begin as we intend to or are
capable of continuing. Often, people are nasty with us because we have let them
be that way. I think it’s a good idea for each of us to first figure out what
our boundaries are, mull over them and be certain of what we genuinely can
accept and what we cannot. Once this is done and we remind ourselves that any
relationship cannot work on trial and error, the courage to speak up and level
with others that matter, will come quite easily to us. All facets of our life
can easily swing from ‘<i>let’s see</i>’ to ‘<i>this is how it has to be</i>’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-IN" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms",sans-serif;">It
is important to mention that there is a percentage of people who do not seem to
mind the imbalance in any given relationship. I doubt if they feel hurt or
annoyed or reach a breaking point. They are, in some ways, happier than those
of us who do. The reason for this is probably, conditioning that leads them to
a sort of immunity. There was a time when their plight made me anxious and I
felt the urge to ‘awaken’ them; however, over the years I have realised that it
bothers only me and if they are truly happy – Amen to that.</span></span></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925624139859560503.post-13983782164044933712019-09-21T19:42:00.018+05:302020-04-08T12:20:57.168+05:30Want Lasting Relatioships? Be Candid!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00_FCL2Y7kSQQp60ecGK3UDjelrMD3GTTejJ6wMUaKSQQwy4vgiDTwcJWg8E9OvoD8llT-qSYPDKS-cPxGzYWv2xAC0uLxCyliBSME90FMu6r8dpr4Ta-I7sM12dcCU56DUB4Lfctkug/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The Blue Flower" border="0" data-original-height="1898" data-original-width="2846" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00_FCL2Y7kSQQp60ecGK3UDjelrMD3GTTejJ6wMUaKSQQwy4vgiDTwcJWg8E9OvoD8llT-qSYPDKS-cPxGzYWv2xAC0uLxCyliBSME90FMu6r8dpr4Ta-I7sM12dcCU56DUB4Lfctkug/w320-h213/Sat+with+my+cousins+102.JPG" title="Want Lasting Relationships? Be Candid" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><font color="#000120"></font></u><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><u><font color="#000120"></font></u><br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #0c343d;"><br /></span></b><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">We judge people’s response to us, based on
our own expectations and imagined set of norms. A simple example of this is
someone hugging us as a form of greeting: speaking for myself, that’s not a
comfortable situation for me, I need space, am not a touchy-feely person and
then there are aromas! Several of my friends and family are given to hugging as
a form of greeting. To them, hugging is a simple and natural way of displaying
affection. This of course, is a mere example, and in the larger picture, a hug
or its absence doesn’t really mean much in casual encounters.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">Let’s take it a step further; let’s look at
people who use minimal words and actions to express themselves or respond. We
go to such a person and ask them what they think of xyz, they tell us it’s
‘okay’; we end up thinking it’s only passable and rework the whole thing or
even discard ‘xyz’ or it’s idea. The truth is, the minimalist means ‘wow’ when
he says it’s ‘okay’ but our expectations and our own standards mislead us. The
magnitude of the harm done in such miscommunication can vary and sooner or
later either we or the minimalist, learns a lesson. Not to mention, there are
also those who can be misunderstood because of their exuberant superlative
adjectives or exceedingly polite words.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">When we meet people and get to know them,
we start thinking of them as friendly, nice, cool, unpleasant or even
disgusting. Impressions are formed and judgments and opinions are made. We all
have a clear idea of what exactly being friendly is. Anything less is
categorised as cold and anything more is taken as too familiar. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">There is a parable I read years ago, I
cannot for the life of me remember what it was called or who wrote it. It’s about
a girl with gorgeous golden hair who went to the top of a hill. There she found
a single tree with the most fabulous blue flowers, and a solitary goat. Not
being familiar with goats, the girl could only figure out that the animal was a
herbivore; she wanted to befriend it. Now it so happens that the goat too had
never seen a girl before, living as he did on the top of a remote hill and he
too wanted to be friends with the beautiful creature with the bedazzling hair.
The girl plucked a flower and gave it to the goat as a gesture of friendship;
the goat being a goat, ate the flower up! The girl with the golden hair, walked
away hurt and wondering why the goat decided to eat up her gift of friendship.
The goat too spent forever wondering why the girl walked away and never became
friends with him.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">We find ourselves being the girl with the
golden hair or the goat, in all spheres of life. In the workplace, we may have
a colleague who is perpetually telling us what to do, his intention being the
sharing of his knowledge. Unaware of this, we are likely to be offended or annoyed
by the interference and lack of trust in our ability and this will surely lead
to an unpleasant or unfriendly attitude towards the colleague, who in turn will
take us to be hostile. The absence of candor harms most relationships or limits their growth, the bonds are never as strong as they can be unless we are honest and always speak up.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"> We meet someone and initially, it’s clear
that we have taken to each other. Then, one of us reaches out at regular and
frequent intervals while the other is more restrained. The probability of the one
who is restrained thinking the new friend is coming on too strong and the other
person feeling that the new friend doesn’t really want to be friends, is all too
high. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">I feel the greatest damage takes place when
this sort of thing occurs in a supposedly romantic relationship. Take the case
of a guy and a girl who knew each other for a while and had recently developed
an interest in each other that went beyond friendship. He catches the flu and
tells her about it; she tells him to have lots of chicken soup and go to the
doctor if it persists. She is the sort who likes to be left alone when she is
unwell and doesn’t even call the ‘could be boyfriend; or send him text messages
as she doesn’t want to disturb him. As for the guy, he can’t believe he was
falling for a girl who is so selfish that she doesn’t even care that he is
unwell. Need I tell you how far the budding romance went?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<span lang="EN-IN"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;">These sorts of situations are inevitable
and that is a pity. The good news is that there is a way around it. All we need
to do is express ourselves a bit more, use the right tone and words. More
importantly, we need to always bear in mind the possibility of others being,
thinking and valuing things from a perspective that’s entirely different from
ours. If the girl with the golden hair had told the goat that the flower was a
symbol of friendship or the goat had asked – things would have ended on a much
happier note. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "helvetica neue","arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: #073763;"></span><span style="font-family: "arial","helvetica",sans-serif;"></span></div>
Sharmishtha Nagarkattihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14827090886184841392noreply@blogger.com2