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Friday 3 January 2020

Rumination #8 Courtesy is Everything



It’s always wonderful when someone knows and practices all the rules of etiquette. In some ways, it is important to know things like which piece of cutlery, crockery and glassware is used for which particular thing. It is certainly important to say things like ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘may I’ and what have you. Following all the rules of etiquette stand for nothing if they are not coupled with courtesy. In my first post, I had said that the spelling of ‘luck’ is h-a-r-d w-o-r-k; similarly, the spelling of courtesy is c-o-n-s-i-d-e-r-a-t-i-o-n and r-e-s-p-e-c-t. In other words, it’s lending thought to the feelings and convenience of people we deal with. It does not take much to do this and counts for more than many would imagine.


At work it entails doing basic things like not breaking into loud conversations in open workspaces, avoiding eating food in the actual place of work, not keeping others waiting for us or our deliverables. There is a common practice among many, people simply do not acknowledge e-mail messages, respond promptly or keep all concerned informed of the status of an ongoing work-related matter. Some people think that it is better to respond when there is something to say, they do not think of how the sender may wonder whether the message has reached at all or whether whatever they wrote about is relevant. Worse still is stalling or maintaining silence at all possible costs, when something is not going to work out or if the answer is a No. Everyone is fully aware of changing circumstances and priorities and being honest with them is a hundred times better than avoiding them or acting in an unexpected manner.


Courtesy is about taking into account all that is convenient for our friends and not just being there for them when it suits us. I have observed that often there is an imbalance in many social relationships, with one friend giving and being there far more than the other friend or friends. The obverse, when one member of the group gets his or her way all the time, is equally prevalent. Maybe, the others in the group or duo are of a milder nature or are scared of losing a friend; it is the job of those getting the advantage to pause and think of the others in the relationship. Reciprocity is essential to being courteous to our friends. When visiting others, whether for a few hours or days, it makes a lot of difference if the guests follow the ways of the household rather than insisting that the hosts bend backwards which is as important as hosts ensuring that the guests’ every comfort is looked into.


We may be observing all of the things I have enlisted above and a great deal more but unless we extend that same courtesy to those at home, we cannot really think of ourselves as courteous. Taking individual likes, inclinations and nature into account is a fundamental part of being considerate with our relatives and I am not sure that this is all that common. Acknowledging the thoughtfulness, generosity, sacrifices of any member of our family and not taking anyone for granted is to me, essential to courtesy. One particular aspect of courtesy that I feel all offspring ought to practice but frequently forget about is, ceasing to act like a child around their parents once they have grown up. There comes a time when children need to become the ones taking care, and I am not referring so much to financial matters as I am to something that falls under the broad category of molly coddling. Parents, or the head of the family often thrust their opinions, dreams, ambitions and aspirations upon the others in the family, especially the younger generation. If an offspring wants to pursue a career that the elders have not planned for them or spend their life with a partner that did not fit into the elders’ dreams for them, it does not follow that it is wrong. Many young lives are secretly wrought with pain, regret and even agony because they relented to their elder’s wishes or strong rules of the house. The courtesy of letting the younger generation be whatever they want to be is one of the greatest gifts we can give to them.


If one is genuinely courteous, then being civil when dealing with strangers follows naturally. Giving way to others while driving, waiting ones turn in queues, being kind to those who serve and a host of other such things, are second nature.

Even though I have mentioned instances of courtesy in the workplace, with our friends, at home and with the world in general, there really is no set of separate rules of courtesy one must follow for any particular environment or situation. If per chance, someone is the epitome of courtesy in the workplace and the workplace alone, the genuineness of it is highly questionable. Being courteous is fundamental to our being thought of as reliable and thereby, popular. I agree that some do mistake courteous people for fools or suckers, but that is their problem.


A final thought: the biggest courtesy we can extend to anyone is being honest with them. At certain times and for certain people, this takes a lot of courage but the arguments that support it are too many to ignore.

6 comments:

  1. Tomali Chaudhuri3 January 2020 at 13:09

    Very well articulated. I totally agree that honesty is the keyword. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Tomali! Your feedback means a lot to me as I know you will always be honest with me :)

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  2. Excellent thoughts. If followed !! Will make world a better place and us happier...Appreciate bringing on topics like this..

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Vicky! Yes, if followed, if each person who has read this picks up one tiny area - the world will begin to be a better place :)

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  3. Very well written. Being courteous is something that we should teach our kids from a very young age.

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